The definitive guide to dipping your foot in the Bollywood waters.

Will Varner / BuzzFeed

Focus Features

UTV Motion Pictures / hd-trailers.net

View Entire List ›

C-O-O-L

When all your friends have managed to find an S.O. in the first week of college.

Dharma Productions

So you plot and plan to find a friend with benefits.

Dharma Productions

But it always ends in drama.

Dharma Productions

When the person who you like and the person who likes you are two entirely different people.

Dharma Productions

View Entire List ›

Kuch kuch bizarre hota hai.

Tere Naam

A gangster harasses a girl non-stop to the point of ruining her life and destroying her engagement. Said gangster is also the protagonist.

Orion Pictures / Via india-forums.com

Devdas

Manipulative Britain-return is emotionally and physically abusive. Has girlfriend in India. Refuses to logically confront own family when they object their marriage. Turns into raging alcoholic freeloader living at local brothel, only ever leaving to occasionally assault now married girlfriend.

Imaan Sheikh / BuzzFeed / SLB Films

Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

Man marries college sweetheart, never attempts to reconnect with tomboy best friend who has always been there for him. Wife dies in childbirth, leaving infant daughter with the ever-so-slightly overwhelming responsibility of finding aforementioned best friend for widower dad.

Man finally finds formerly friendzoned girl, falls in love with her because along with having become prettier, she has changed as a person about 120%. Ruins her engagement, marries her.

Dharma Productions

Jai Ho

Destructive, aggressive philanthropist, who gets called out by family for having anger management issues, takes law into own hands — rather creates own set of laws. Kills a bunch of people during mission to kill corrupt higher-ups. Is, however, let off scot-free by the government, and accepted by society with open arms for coming up with unoriginal plan about paying it forward.

Eros International / Via Imaan Sheikh

View Entire List ›

The definitive guide to dipping your foot in the Bollywood waters.

Will Varner / BuzzFeed

Focus Features

UTV Motion Pictures / hd-trailers.net

View Entire List ›

C-O-O-L

When all your friends have managed to find an S.O. in the first week of college.

Dharma Productions

So you plot and plan to find a friend with benefits.

Dharma Productions

But it always ends in drama.

Dharma Productions

When the person who you like and the person who likes you are two entirely different people.

Dharma Productions

View Entire List ›

Kuch kuch bizarre hota hai.

Tere Naam

A gangster harasses a girl non-stop to the point of ruining her life and destroying her engagement. Said gangster is also the protagonist.

Orion Pictures / Via india-forums.com

Devdas

Manipulative Britain-return is emotionally and physically abusive. Has girlfriend in India. Refuses to logically confront own family when they object their marriage. Turns into raging alcoholic freeloader living at local brothel, only ever leaving to occasionally assault now married girlfriend.

Imaan Sheikh / BuzzFeed / SLB Films

Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

Man marries college sweetheart, never attempts to reconnect with tomboy best friend who has always been there for him. Wife dies in childbirth, leaving infant daughter with the ever-so-slightly overwhelming responsibility of finding aforementioned best friend for widower dad.

Man finally finds formerly friendzoned girl, falls in love with her because along with having become prettier, she has changed as a person about 120%. Ruins her engagement, marries her.

Dharma Productions

Jai Ho

Destructive, aggressive philanthropist, who gets called out by family for having anger management issues, takes law into own hands — rather creates own set of laws. Kills a bunch of people during mission to kill corrupt higher-ups. Is, however, let off scot-free by the government, and accepted by society with open arms for coming up with unoriginal plan about paying it forward.

Eros International / Via Imaan Sheikh

View Entire List ›

Rancho was a bully, Munna Bhai a pathological liar, and baby Anjali a manipulative turd.

Anjali from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

So yeah, Anjali was adorable with her little cutesy headbands and quirks, I'll give you that. But let's get down to the reality here: She was a manipulative, emotionally exploitative little turd.

At 8 years old, Anjali had already ruined several lives to make hers ideal. I don't know if it's the brainwashing via her dead mum's annual letters that's to be held responsible, or just the fact that she was born an evil genius who will get what she wants one way or another.

Dharma Productions

Munna Bhai from Munna Bhai M.B.B.S.

This pathological liar melted everyone's heart in 2003 because it's adorable when you almost get away with a fake medical degree, potentially putting several lives in danger, only to be able to marry the girl of his dreams. The dude just "orders" dead bodies over the phone in anatomy class. Also, he strips students much younger than him to "counter bullying".

Remember, kids, crime is A-OK if it comes with a jaadu ki jhappi. Always hug people after you euthanise them for leisure. It makes people go, "WTFFFF but awwww though."

Vinod Chopra Productions / Via Bollypop.in

Nandini from Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam

Nandini taught me that if you're kinda cute and good at pretending to be sweet, please feel free to have a fucking field day trashing your loved ones' expectations of you. Break boys' hearts. Do it twice if the first time wasn't fun enough. Throw a tantrum when someone insinuates you're a shitty person, and don't you dare think about the long term when making decisions.

Basically, people are disposable for this walking dick of a human being.

SLB Films / Via missosology.info

Raj from Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge

Raj was cute and funny, right? LOL wrong. He got a girl drunk and she passed out. After she woke up, he basically told her he raped her. Yup. With an elaborate story, no less, only for shits and giggles (Simran shitting herself and Raj giggling).

He may have "gone out of his way to marry Simran" when he moved to India and to her haveli, but the fuck was the game plan to begin with? If Bauji hadn't found the Europe photo of Simran and him, and stopped him mid-exit, Raj was fucking dipping out anyway after getting that sweet tail.

Yash Raj Films

View Entire List ›

*plays on loop*

Dharma Productions

Red Chillies Entertainment

View Entire List ›

Nailed it.

Twitter: @NoorKKakar

Twitter: @NoorKKakar

View Entire List ›

Warning – Here be spoilers.

Gangs Of Wasseypur (2012)

Viacom 18 Motion Pictures

Gangs Of Wasseypur 2 (2012)

Viacom 18 Motion Pictures

View Entire List ›

Bahut kuch feels happening.

Alia Bhatt and Parineeti Chopra were on tour in the U.S. earlier this month with a bunch of other Bollywood stars.

instagram.com

While on stage in Chicago, they decided to sing "Tum Paas Aaye" from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai for the crowd between performances.

Holding hands and everything.

instagram.com

All this as Karan Johar looked on.

instagram.com

Watch their endearing duet here:

Instagram: @hoor

View Entire List ›

“Everything was wrong, but it was written with so much conviction that it made sense.”

You know that cringey feeling when you watch your favourite childhood movie as a grown up and realise how problematic it actually is?

Dharma Productions/ Imaan Sheikh

Now imagine if you were the person who actually made it.

Star World

Karan Johar was asked about Kuch Kuch Hota Hai at the Jagran Film Festival on October 2 and here's what he had to say:

- / AFP / Getty Images

"But it was done with so much conviction, a mother has left eight letters, but kya likha hoga pehli, dusri chhitti may ki woh bachcha padh sake?" he went on to say.

Dharma Productions/Imaan Sheikh

View Entire List ›

This is for real fans. Tum nahi samjhoge.

Rahul and Anjali should have ended up together IRL.

I know that Shah Rukh Khan has been married to his wife Gauri for almost 26 years. I am also fully aware of Kajol and Ajay Devgn's 18-year-old marriage is still going strong. But I also know that every time I see SRK and Kajol on screen, I wish they were dating IRL.

Red Chillies Entertainment

They tell each other the best jokes.

Str / AFP / Getty Images

Seriously, they make each other LMAO all the time.

Ian Gavan / Getty Images

View Entire List ›

Stop it, Hasan. Log kya kahenge?

Hello, friends. I am a mere mortal and this is desi satire king of the moment (and of my heart), Hasan Minhaj.

Instagram: @hasanminhaj

He's been around for the past three years as a The Daily Show correspondent and the voice of my own mind.

instagram.com

Earlier this year, my crush on him intensified when he nailed it as host of a historically ridiculous White House Correspondents Dinner.

C-SPAN

And now, after three viewings of his Netflix special Homecoming King, I am officially a disciple. I am a follower. I am a woman at his feet begging him to demolish me with his insightful observations and nuanced punchlines.

Use that broken Hindi to ruin every ideal I had for men in my head.

Netflix

View Entire List ›

Rahul is the fucking worst.

When Tina leaves behind eight letters for her daughter, one for each birthday, till she turns eight, expecting her daughter to start reading from the age of one.

Dharma Productions

When Rahul reacts to the news of Tina's imminent death due to childbirth by repeatedly telling her "tum bahut buri ho". Dude, she's dying. Give her a damn break.

Dharma Productions

When 8-year-old Anjali plans to meet her dad but he makes her wait for two hours ALL BY HERSELF, while no adult is accompanying her. Why isn't a single fuck given about this kid's safety?

Dharma Productions

When Rahul has this creepy conversation with his daughter.

Dharma Productions

View Entire List ›

Bet you didn’t know that THAT Polo Sport tee cost £75, and Shah Rukh Khan hated wearing it.

1. Jugal Hansraj created the tune for "Tum Paas Aaye" in the shower and gave it to Karan Johar.

Dharma Productions

2. Rani Mukerji was only 19 during shooting for the film.

3. Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol were Karan Johar's first choices to play Rahul and Anjali, respectively. They had promised to be a part of Johar's first film back when he was the assistant director on DDLJ.

View Entire List ›

The cutest friendship to have ever existed.

If you're obsessed with celebrity feuds like I am, you've probably heard about Bollywood's best friends Kajol and Karan Johar falling out in 2016. It was a terribly dark time.

Strdel / AFP / Getty Images

The falling out happened when Karan's Ae Dil Hai Mushkil clashed with Kajol's husband Ajay Devgn's Shivaay at the box office. Karan wrote about it extensively in his autobiography An Unsuitable Boy, "I don’t have a relationship with Kajol anymore. It’s over. She can never come back to my life. I don’t think she wants to either. She was the one who mattered to me but now it’s over." Calling relationships "generally difficult", Kajol refrained from commenting on the rift. The friendship was dead. 😭

Michael Gottschalk / AFP / Getty Images

View Entire List ›

There was NO way Anushka Sharma didn’t recognise her husband in Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi.

Rahul playing Anjali in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and not realising even ONCE that she was into him.

Rahul, you swine. You only wanted your women to behave a certain way and fit society's standards. You ignored your best friend who'd been there for you throughout and now that she's wearing a saree and you're suddenly in love with her? LEAVE MY GURL ANJALI ALONE.

Dharma Productions

Naina and Rahul in K3G.

Why was Naina dragged into a love triangle for no reason? Why was Rahul never asked if he wanted to marry her? Why did Yash and Nandini think this was okay? Why did Naina have to have her heart broken because parents were idiots?

Dharma Productions

Tuffy being made to make decisions and pass messages in Hum Aapke Hain Koun.

TUFFY WAS A GOOD BOY. TUFFY DIDN'T DESERVE TO BE UNDER SO MUCH PRESSURE. TUFFY DESERVED MORE CUDDLES AND BOOPS.

Rajshri Productions/Imaan Sheikh

Everyone casually fat-shaming Sweetu in Kal Ho Naa Ho.

Sweetu, one of the most unapologetic characters in film history, was always made to feel bad for who she was and how she looked. She put herself out there and believed in love relentlessly only to be told that she has less of a chance because she's fat???? And literally NO ONE spared her. Not even her own best friend.

Dharma Productions

View Entire List ›

A stunning documentary on the exemplary detective work of an eight-year-old child prodigy.

For '90s Bolly kids like myself, life would never have been the same if it wasn’t for this particular movie. I know how to weave a friendship band. And I know you probably wanted to own a “C-O-O-L” necklace like Rahul at some point in your life, too.

Today we’re rewinding Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, because few things feel as good as a solid kick to the childhood.

Kuch Kuch Hota Hai is a beautiful story about the triumph of conformity over all else. It is a heart-touching cinematic experience which strengthens ancient beliefs — don’t be yourself, especially if you’re a woman. By the end of KKHH, one finds themselves saying “Jeet hamesha p̶y̶a̶a̶r̶ sari ki hoti hai” (L̶o̶v̶e̶ sari always wins).

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

We see a very sad Rahul standing near a burning chittha, mourning the loss of his wife, Tina, who died soon after childbirth.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Tina left eight letters for her newborn daughter and asked Rahul’s mum to give one letter to her on each of her eight birthdays.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

We are fast-forwarded into Mumbai eight years later. Rahul and Tina’s daughter Anjali has grown to be a total doll. A beautiful Cabbage Patch Kid doll.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Anjali and daddy are very close. She has to help him do everything – shop for his clothes, remind him to take his meds, invest an unfair amount of emotional labour into him.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Daadi (Rahul’s mum) is a religious woman. She often delivers religious sermons on bringing up children to women in the neighbourhood.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Kid is kind of annoying but no one says anything to her because she is motherless. Everyday things remind this poor child of her motherlessness. One day at a junior talent show in school, THIS happens.

#AllMyFeels…..

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Anjali’s eighth birthday arrives and she finally gets to read the last letter her mum wrote to her.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

We are taken back in time, to the life of a young college-going Rahul Khanna and his annoying best friend with severe internalised misogyny, Anjali Sharma. Imagine dealing with this every morning.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

They’re practically always fighting. Anjali fucking DETESTS being a girl. She gets quite pissed if you remind her she is one. Actually, she’s pretty much always pissed and they're both roasting each other in a perennial barbecue.

This is not even her final form, guys.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

The amount of shit St. Xavier’s College gives about Rahul and Anjali’s fights is enough to grow an entire healthy forest. If only all this time and energy was invested preparing for a test, these guys would have jobs in the future.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Seriously, why the fuck are these guys so excited? What is so exciting about this, please explain.

Rahul and Anjali have trouble functioning without each other, despite not being able to stand each other.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Next we meet Riffat Bee, who is Anjali’s… caretaker? I don’t know but she looks after a bunch of girls and she’s the only person who knows wassup.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

And after this, we meet potential rape apologist and college principal, Mr. Malhotra, who firmly believes girls wear short skirts to excite men.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Mr. Malhotra’s daughter Tina (Rani Mukherjee) has arrived from London. She quit Oxford to join St. Xavier’s College in India. Yup. Brilliant decision. Exactly why you shouldn’t be at Oxford.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Rahul is struck by Tina’s beauty, but the narrow-minded misogynist shitnugget in him is standing in the way.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

But soon, Tina proves her mettle and qualifies as sanskaari bahu/biwi material.

A hymn is a surefire way to win most desis’ hearts.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

In English class, a little bit of inefficient hinting on Rahul’s part leads to this massive misunderstanding.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Lots of our favourite songs happen while strengthening this misconception further.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Rahul and Tina’s love is blooming. Anjali is as relevant as stick-on nails on a rabbit.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Anjali begins to get overly possessive about Rahul. Her realness ain’t shit compared to Tina’s sanskaar-skirt combo.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

As you would expect, Anjali’s attempts to become Rahul’s main squeeze go in vain. Dressing up girly, trying to be nice — nothing works. She’s always the pichhwaada of all jokes and is forever going to be in the bro zone*.

*The bro zone is not the friend zone by any means. It's when your male friend treats you like you're "one of the boys" and gets too comfortable. He cracks all the misogynistic jokes he cracks with his bros in front of you.

Anyway, heartbroken to see Rahul and Tina in love, Anjali decides to leave the college and go to another city, back to her family. Been there before, that shit does make you want to move to another city.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

90 minutes of film later, Anjali gets done with reading her mum’s letter. She’s eight. Ordinarily, she'd struggle with reading the McDonald's menu, but this is Bollywood so she can read her mother's novel ass letter.

Of course her mum Tina hasn’t taken into consideration that it has been EIGHT FUCKING YEARS. Anjali is probably married and has three kids. Or she’s dead. Or has moved to Vegas. But oh well.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Little Anjali asks her dad about his college BFF Anjali and he tells her what she was like.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Anjali Sharma has finally turned into everything society wants a woman to be. By defeating her actual sporty personality after years of struggle, she is perfect bahu material. But UH OH. WHO'S THIS AMAN? THIS TWATWAFFLE SHE'S MARRYING?

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Meanwhile, little Anjali and her grandparents are trying to trace big Anjali. From school records to going to Riffat Bee, they try everything. When they reach Riffat Bee’s house, she’s obviously praying because believe it or not, that is all us Muslims do in films and IRL.

How else will the world know Riffat Bee is Muslim?

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

In Bollywood, aunties pray on a ja-namaz, and uncles (often called Kareem Chacha) wear skullcaps and hold rosaries for fashion. Luckily, Riffat Bee tells them where Anjali lives and that she’s getting married in a week. But then Little Anjali begins to pray and somehow, Big Anjali’s wedding is delayed till December.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Not only is the wedding delayed but we also find out Big Anjali is considering this entire thing a compromise and isn’t in love with Aman.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Meanwhile, Rahul and Aman bump into each other at a conference over a “Anjali calling” mix-up at the hotel’s reception. And Aman’s just… weird. This is not how you start a conversation.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Anjali meets Anjali at summer camp. Creep that she is, the kid doesn’t spare a minute before freaking out her teacher.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Through a live TV show where “love messages” are being sent out, Big Anjali realises Little Anjali is Rahul and Tina’s daughter. She also misses another huuuge ass misconception by a hair.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Little Anjali fakes being ill, making concerned father Rahul catch the first flight/truck/train to Shimla. He sees Anjali at the summer camp… Big Anjali. #HawtDamn

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

A few days later, Rahul’s male superiority complex kicks in again and he declares that women cannot play basketball, thereby earning a basketball match with Anjali.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

They both cheat a little and Anjali loses.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

And soon, they start getting attracted to each other. By “soon”, I mean over one three-minute song.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Hell, things even get kind of steamy on rainy night.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

In the middle of their mating dance, Anjali realises she’s engaged and runs into the woods crying. You know, because that is the right thing to do. There, she confesses her love for Rahul to… herself. Or this tree.

I have a few questions at this point. How did this Rottweiler get here? No, not to Shimla, I mean this particular tree in the middle of the woods. Is this man a dog? How do you trace a person clung to a tree in the woods on a rainy dark night?

Also, why did he not ask WTF Anjali was doing confessing her love to a tree? Why would you say “I love you too” to her unless you are this tree?

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Even on other notes, Aman is beyond annoying and scary. He often gives you those “I love you but may kill one day” vibes. And I think he’s drunk most of the time.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Mind you, Rahul is shady as fuck also. Upon discovering Aman is Anjali’s fiancé, dude totally acts like nothing happened the previous night.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Little Anjali tries everything she can to stop this union from happening.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Everyone’s tricks fail and Anjali leaves the camp early, looking forward to her wedding. Even the quiet Sikh kid who is always counting stars can’t stop her. Yes, that one kid who came to camp to get sky fuckin’ high, clearly.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Rahul gives Anjali a red dupatta she once gave to Tina.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Anjali goes home and insists on getting married as soon as possible. But Rahul has not entirely given up, so he and his family go to Anjali’s wedding, only to do this. What a tease.

Forget everything. May I ask where the fuck this balcony is? Tower of The Skies? Why is there an unnerving number of stars in the sky? Was this wedding held on Hubble’s lense? Questions questions, no answers.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Now that Rahul and his uninvited family have officially stunk up this bhalli changi wedding — with Anjali crying, her mum getting uncomfortable, and Aman getting mad suspicious — these bitches decide it is okay to leave.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Aman, who can sense what is wrong (as can everyone at the wedding) gets up, grabs Anjali by the arm and tells her what she should do. She makes an assessment.

OMG DUH. I would pick Rahul in a blink too. SOOO CUTE. So what if it took eight years, a daughter, lots of saris, lots of makeup, Tina’s death, a destroyed wedding and a forced meeting for him to realise he was in love with me?

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Also, Aman’s sense of humour, my god, ew. Who cares if he’s nice enough to sacrifice everything for Anjali’s happiness? I’d rather he marry that basketball he was eyeing earlier.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Always remember: Anjali, an eight-year-old, somehow managed to reunited her dad with his college friend on the instructions of her dead mother; something Sir Isaac Newton is yet to achieve.

A blunt-bang having, tooth-missing icon. A child prodigy detective.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Now let's talk about the ~Morals Of The Story~ like we always do...

– Wear saris. Saris are fuckin' rad, boys love that shit. And we live for boys.
– No skirts for good girls unless you can pair them up with a hymn. #summercollection
– Pick Shah Rukh, always.
– Don’t write long letters to 8-year-olds. In fact, avoid interacting with children at all costs.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

LINK: An Accurate And Honest Summary Of "Main Hoon Na"

LINK: An Accurate And Honest Summary Of "Main Hoon Na"

LINK: An Accurate And Honest Summary Of "Mujhse Dosti Karoge"